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| Firecrackers and Matches Copyright reserved by Parker Welling 2008 Doesn’t get much better than Sunset fire red and chocolate eyes stealin’ my breath Feels right, you and i Watchin’ sparks fly like June Bugs in July it’s all on your face What’s goin’ through your mind Sneakin’ your hand next to mine well, baby, bring it closer O-oh, o-oh, hot like the sting of summer O-oh, o-oh, sweet like a candy choker Coffee Black, Adrenaline You and I are makin’ a strong reaction Like Firecrackers and matches Muddy banks and red clay dirt Settin’ roman candles off to burn like us tonight Bright lights, big bang hot, fast, burst and blaze, there’s fire between us and it’s all on your face What’s goin’ through your mind Pushin’ your lips up on mine well, baby, come in closer O-oh, o-oh, hot like the sting of summer O-oh, o-oh, sweet like a candy choker Head Spin, Adrenaline You and I are makin’ a strong reaction Like Firecrackers and matches I wanna flirt with danger light me up and set me away like Bottle Rocket, baby O-oh, o-oh, hot like the sting of summer O-oh, o-oh, sweet like a candy choker Coffee black, Adrenaline You and I are makin’ a strong reaction Like Firecrackers and matches | | |
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I am God your healer.
// exodus 15:26 sometimes i am overwhelmed with the amount of brokenness in the world. races that hate eachother, nations that hate eachother, strangers that hate eachother, friends that hate eachother, families that hate eachother hate is a heavy emotion
i know because i carried it i hated a person who held a key role in my development as a person
this individual's job description was to demonstrate strength, love, reliability, and selflessness in my life
when this person was absent and failed to meet their duties, i was devastated, angry, and broken i hated him. he me feel inadequate
he made feel like i was unworthy, unintelligent, and unlovable
my view of myself was based off of my view of him
likewise, my view of him was based off of my view of myself
i viewed him as unworthy, unintelligent, and unlovable someone told me that love can fix anything
and if i would choose to love this person things would get better
i laughed.
what a ridiculous thing to say
even if i wanted to love this person, i couldn't
the more i thought about loving him, the more i hated him
and because my love was not reciprocated and it made my view of myself even worse
the mere thought of being in his presence made my skin crawl
but at the same time, when i was completely honest with myself
all i wanted was to be in his presence and find that i am desirable, smart, and worthy of love it took me a long time to find that healing is not necessarily fixing the circumstances
it is changing my view of the circumstances my worth is not found in whether or not i think my father loves me
his worth is not found in whether or not i think he is a good father or even a decent human being
my worth (and yours) is found in the fact that 2008 years ago
a man loved us so much that he died so we could live
he suffered and struggled so we wouldn't have to goodness, i know that sounds so cliche
but healing is found in that very truth i am able to love and forgive a man who has wounded me more than words can express
because i know my worth
his words and actions (or lack therof) towards me mean nothing
they do not dictate who i am
they do not dictate how i feel
i have received the answers to the questions my soul asks
the questions were answered before i was born I am beautiful. I am desirable. I am worth fighting for. so are you. that is healing. | | |
| note: this blog is dedicated to Brian Kelley for always holding me accountable to publicly share my thoughts on here i want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. i want to keep walking away from the person i was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently. // donald miller last week, i read donald miller's first book, through painted deserts. i was a little surprised this book was not a major success, perhaps, because it struck a chord very deep in me. i guess it was easy to identify with his longing for adventure. life is meant to be lived--changes and all. change brings about adventures, and it is in the adventures and the unknowns that we truly experience life and community. change is crucial, challenges are necessary and as stupid as this will sound, it took me a long time to realize that i am not the only one who has to deal with things. it is probably the most common thing about the human experience. in light of that, i am learning to appreciate that no matter how amazing or horrible change may appear to me, it is common to everyone. there is nothing you or i can experience that someone else hasn't dealt with before. the bumpy road and blind turns are something we can all identify with and it is something that we should take in and experience deeply. | | |
| I know this will sound bad, but I didn't really think about the war in great detail until this week. For my writing class, I was asked to read a blog by an American soldier who had been to Iraq and is now home. I was supposed to write a reflection in paragraph form (I tried that... but paragraphs aren't really my style). To hear the way the war affected him and his family (and still affects them even now that he is home) was really moving. It made me think about what kind of things I would die for. It made me question the kind of things I would want my brothers to die for. It's a big sacrifice.
Here is my reflection on it... a song I wrote based on how I think I would feel if my husband went away to war. I think I would really want to be strong and want to have unwavering love, but it would be hard to keep hoping, it would be tiring to worry all the time. Long distance is hard especially knowing that the one I love would come back a different person after their experiences.
Love You Like I Did (When I Was Strong)
Copyright reserved by Parker Welling 2008
i check the mailbox every evening
i tell the kids that you're just fine
i fall apart here in our bedroom
i stay up all night
i started laying on your side of the bed
but its so cold there in your place
you know i'm proud of what you're doing
but sometimes i wish you weren't brave
cause i don't wanna be alone
it makes me weak to think you might not make it home
until you do, i'll be holding on
i'll try to love you like i did when i was strong
i say my prayers in the morning
i ask that God will keep you safe
oh, i miss you every hour
and i'm countin' down the days
cause i don't wanna be alone
it makes me weak to think you might not make it home
until you do, i'll be holding on
i'll try to love you like i did when i was strong
I want to be brave like you, and i don't wanna fall apart
but it breaks my heart
cause i don't wanna be alone
it makes me weak to think you might not make it home
until you do, i'll be holding on
i'll try to love you like i did when i was strong
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Anyone who has spent a considerable amount of time in conversation with me could probably tell you my stance on library books. While I think the idea of sharing a book with a stranger is kind of cool, library books are usually pretty disgusting. When I "rent" a book (which is a rare occasion because of how disgusting they can be) I am always so careful to take good care of it... I don't read with food/drinks near me, I usually make sure my hands are clean... sometimes I even try to enhance the condition of the book before I return it. This is especially true of when I borrow things other than books. i.e. shoes, clothes, etc. I am always so careful with these things, as they do not belong to me and they are quite valuable to their owner.
I think that if I were to sum up one thing I've learned in the past several months of my life in one statement, it would be "Love as if its temporary." Maybe that's not exactly what it would be, but I think it would be pretty close to that. People are always talking about living right now... I am totally on board with that, but I also want to note the importance of what it means to love right now. I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, think love is temporary, but there is a certain level of appreciation and urgency that comes with a time frame. In light of that, I want to be able to love everyone in my life as if they are on loan to me every single day. I hope I get to keep the ones I love for a long time, but if I don't get to, I want them to depart from me in better condition than when I received them.
If you are reading this, you are probably important to me. So, you should know that I love you and, even though I probably don't always act like it, I appreciate you a lot. I hope I get to keep you a long while, but if I don't, I want you to know where I stand and I'm so thankful to have you in my life right now.
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